Secrets of Surviving Divorce is written to help ease the pain and destructive thoughts bouncing off the walls of your brain. Divorce is difficult, at best, but I believe you will find these Secrets of Surviving Divorce helpful. A new way of looking at life will allow you to “get over it”.
My last divorce drove me to desperation. It also fueled passion to understand Love. My healing exercises will change the way you think about Divorce.
The first Secret to a Successful Divorce:
Even Albert Einstein, famous as a logical genius, was divorced, not once, but twice.
However, when it came to relationships, he threw logic to the wind and died unhappy and broke.Einstein spent the majority of his time on the logical side of the brain. When he moved to the emotional side of his brain, he was out of his comfort zone, and all logic left him. Einstein “forgot” one of his most brilliant phil0siphies:
“You can’t solve a problem at the level it was created”.
I used this wisdom to heal the pain of my Divorce by looking at it from a different perspective.
Divorce disrupts every area of your life.
I was angry, afraid. and sad. My emotions were on steroids. My logic was in lock-out.”I will make better choices next time. There is nothing wrong with me. He is to blame for everything”, I told myself.
Only I knew better. I had a very long list of fears, each one keeping the world from discovering the real me. On my journey to understand why I had two Divorces. I knew I had to find out who I was, for I had pretended as far back as I can remember always trying to be someone or something I was not.
I spent 46 years in “Emotional Pretends”: Pretending I was OK. Pretending I was right and did nothing wrong. Pretending it didn’t hurt my ego, Pretending I was successful, spending to excess to prove it. Pretending I was not fearful of my future.
The pretends covered my insecurities; not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, lovable enough…..etc. You know, that stuff from our childhoods that have a way of coming back to bite us in the butt. I didn’t fool anyone but myself.
Here are some exercises and new thoughts that will lead, guide and direct you to a more logical way of looking at your life, as well as your marriage & divorce.
Have fun working the training exercises. They are short and to the point. Your answers will surprise you.
Your Relationship rules were created before you were three (3) years old.
They are responsible for the strengths and weakness in your relationships. Your rules are really no more than judgments of yourself and others, created at the most impressionable time in your life.
Your first three years determined how you feel about love and relationships today.
It is my purpose to inform and explain in simple ways how to think logically about Divorce and the impact it has had on you and those around you. You are an adult. It is time to learn how to think rationally (logically) about your divorce.
When you learn to love with logic rather than fear, your path will slowly change from loneliness to love. This is all about finding the authentic person you were meant to be.
Your earliest memories determined the outcome of your relationships. 80% of these memories were created, & based on perceptions. These perceptions become our road-map to love and marriage. Early emotional perceptions will tend to override logic in relationships because they are primary connections.
You create your realities by your perceptions. When you change your
perceptions, you change your realities…then you will change your life.
Let’s see if this holds true in your life. I am going to ask you to take a trip back to your earliest childhood memories.
Remember the sights and sounds of your room, and your family. Stand back – see and feel your earliest emotions. See yourself in your room.
- What is the first emotion you feel?
- What dominated your thoughts of yourself?
- What was most missing in your little life?
Make a mental list of at least 3 things that you remembered as Most missing. Think about the emotions these memories bring up.
Time to change gears and imagine you are all grown up. Close your eyes and imagine you are in a room filled with everyone you have ever known in your life. Take a moment to visualize your guests. Family, friends, mentors, and enemies, are all here with you. Close your eyes, take your time and visualize your life in their eyes.
What 3 things would you be most proud to hear them say about you?
- Compare this list and the list from Exercise I.
- Determine if you found the following to be true…
Whatever you perceived as MOST missing in your life created your Greatest Value.
Without the perception of something missing, you would not be the person you value today.
The added advantage of understanding this philosophy, and the effect it has had on you, is an interesting one.
Think about it: If you have something, you don’t value it, because you already have it. It is the things you don’t have that you value, so those are the things you give your children.
Practicing the Secrets of Surviving Divorce will also make you a more loving and understanding parent.
Okay, follow me on this…
Children’s values are often opposite of their parents, but are in perfect sync with one of their grandparents. It’s an ‘every-other generation phenomenon’ that continues to repeat itself.
I believe the lack of understanding the void/value hierarchy is the number 1 cause of teen-age rebellion.
When you learn to ‘love with logic,’ rather than fear, your path will slowly change from loneliness to love.
Get in his head
Next, comes another fun exercise: complete exercise 1 & 2, again. This time answer the questions as you think your ex would answer. You have known him for a time and by now should know what his childhood was like, and what he takes most pride in.
What do you believe was most missing in his childhood?
What is he most proud of?
I think you will find his answers to be different than yours. You will understand him in a way you never thought possible. It is the core issues that are at fault in most relationships.
As you practice the exercises on family and friends, you will be develop a more loving attitude towards them.
It is also useful when develop the ability to see your enemies from a logical, less emotional viewpoint.
Surviving Divorce is a practice that will pay off big in the long run for you, and your children.
Check back on my website often as new issues come up in your relationships.
As your understanding of self grows, so does relationships.
You create your realities by your perceptions.
When you change your perceptions,
you change your realities…
Then, you will change your life.
Remember to open your mind to the realities of your life as it IS, rather than what you perceived it to be as a child.
What do you judge as good and as evil? I had no idea how much and how often I judged everyone, including myself.I was given an opportunity to learn to love everything, exactly as it is, without judgements. I strive to teach love, and you cannot judge and love at the same time.
I discovered this wisdom of divorce. Tell me how you feel about my take on it, please. Donate to my website if you found this helpful and informative.
If you have not yet signed up for your copy of “How to Love With Logical Outcomes”now is a good time to go to www.LoveWithLogic.com and request it. This is a free gift to you.
You are always on my mind and in my heart as I work to reach you, teach you and soften you pain.
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