Love With Logical Outcomes Lesson 1

Welcome to my Mind-Blowing Blogs about Relationships

 Welcome to my My Mind-Blowing Blogs about Relationships. My interactive exercises will explain everything you ever wanted to know about relationships. I studied relationships from many masters for many years. The reason?

Ego ruled my every thought for 46. It was fueled by insecurities and need for love and attention. I was a cereal stalker, constantly in search of a new relationship. My world turned up-side-down with each heartbreak.

When I started planning my second suicide attempt, I knew I had to find help or die.  I was lucky enough to find and study with Dr. John De Martini, a Human Behavior Specialist, Educator and Internationally published Author

He taught me to first, how to know myself; then love myself for the first time.

I recommend you wonder around my interactive blogs. There, you will discover exercises that lead you to ancient wisdom, physics and good common sense. You will soon be able to look at your life’s experiences from a logical viewpoint, rather than an emotional one.

Please enjoy my blogs. Each one has exercises that will show you a new perspective on your relationship issues.

Even Albert Einstein was divorced, not once, but twice.

When it came to relationships, he threw logic to the wind.


However, one of his famous quotes helped me, not only survive life, but thrive.

Albert Einstein: “You can’t solve a problem at the level it was created”.

So if you want to discover the secrets of a successful relationships, void of anger, resentment and shame; you’ve found the right blog.

Here is a brief questionnaire that will test your knowledge of the basics of Love. Your answers may be surprising, and there is no need to write them down; you will remember them.

Scene 1: Close your eyes and return your mind to your childhood and visit your home, your room, and your life and search for the answers.

Question 1: List 3 things you felt were most missing in your life before you started school?  What did you want that you didn’t have?
Please allow yourself time for the memories of your childhood to materialize.

Scene 2: You are now an adult. Use your mind to pretend you are in a large room, filled with everyone you have ever known, and; they are all talking about you.
Allow yourself to pretend you are the in the crowd.

Question 2: What would you be most proud to overhear them say about you?
Think about it.
Compare the two lists. Did you find this to be a true statement?

“Whatever we perceived as most missing creates our greatest values.”

Without the perception of missing, we would not be the person, we are most proud of today.

How did your void/values affect your relationship?

Can you make an educated guess as to what void/values your mate has, using these same questions?

You chose him because he filled a void from earliest childhood: You might have chosen an older or domineering husband to fill the void left by an absent father. He chose you because of a need he thought you could fill.

Or you may have chosen him because he was so handsome and popular, then later allow jealousy to destroy the bond of love because you felt he was better than you or, you did not feel you deserved him because of your guilt of the past or present. Your fear of past self- judgments fueled your jealousy. What need in him caused him choose you?

Bottom line, your childhood dreams turned to adult passions and your fears from childhood holds you back from realizing your dreams.

What you are beginning to understand is your knight in shining armor was actually the devil in disguise.

Get over it; He was a figment of your imagination from the beginning. He never was what you thought he was.

It will be helpful for you to read the page on The Mind for a clearer understanding.

Come back often to get your questions answered and get your head screwed on right.

You are always on my mind as I work to reach you and teach you the lessons of life.

Don’t be shy. I love questions and comments.

Secrets of Surviving Divorce

Secrets of Surviving Divorce is written to help ease the pain and destructive thoughts bouncing off the walls of your brain. Divorce is difficult, at best, but I believe you will find these Secrets of Surviving Divorce helpful. A new way of looking at life will allow you to “get over it”. 

My last divorce drove me to desperation. It also fueled passion to understand Love. My healing exercises will change the way you think about Divorce.    

The first Secret to a Successful Divorce:                                     

Even Albert Einstein, famous as a logical genius, was divorced, not once, but twice.

However, when it came to relationships, he threw logic to the wind and died unhappy and broke.Einstein spent the majority of his time on the logical side of the brain.  When he moved to the emotional side of his brain, he was out of his comfort zone, and all logic left him. Einstein “forgot” one of his most brilliant phil0siphies:

 “You can’t solve a problem at the level it was created”.

I used this wisdom to heal the pain of my Divorce by looking at it from a different perspective.


Divorce disrupts every area of your life.

I was angry, afraid. and sad. My emotions were on steroids. My logic was in lock-out.”I will make better choices next time. There is nothing wrong with me. He is to blame for everything”, I told myself.

Only I knew better. I had a very long list of fears, each one keeping the world from discovering the real me. On my journey to understand why I had two Divorces. I knew I had to find out who I was, for I had pretended as far back as I can remember always trying to be someone or something I was not.

I spent 46 years in “Emotional  Pretends”: Pretending I was OK. Pretending I was right and did nothing wrong. Pretending it didn’t hurt my ego, Pretending I was successful, spending to excess to prove it. Pretending I was not fearful of my future.

The pretends covered my insecurities; not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, lovable enough…..etc. You know, that stuff from our childhoods that have a way of coming back to bite us in the butt. I didn’t fool anyone but myself.

Here are some exercises and new thoughts that will lead, guide and direct you to a more logical way of looking at your life, as well as your marriage & divorce.

Have fun working the training exercises. They are short and to the point. Your answers will surprise you.

Your Relationship rules were created before you were three (3) years old.

They are responsible for the strengths and weakness in your relationships. Your rules are really no more than judgments of yourself and others, created at the most impressionable time in your life.

Your first three years determined how you feel about love and relationships today.

It is my purpose to inform and explain in simple ways how to think logically about Divorce and the impact it has had on you and those around you. You are an adult. It is time to learn how to think rationally (logically) about your divorce. 

When you learn to love with logic rather than fear, your path will slowly change from loneliness to love. This is all about finding the authentic person you were meant to be.

Your earliest memories determined the outcome of your relationships.  80% of these memories were created, & based on perceptions. These perceptions become our road-map to love and marriage. Early emotional perceptions will tend to override logic in relationships because they are primary connections.

You create your realities by your perceptions. When you change your

perceptions, you change your realities…then you will change your life.


Let’s see if this holds true in your life. I am going to ask you to take a trip back to your earliest childhood memories.

Remember the sights and sounds of your room, and your family. Stand back – see and feel your earliest emotions. See yourself in your room.

  • What is the first emotion you feel?
  • What dominated your thoughts of yourself?
  • What was most missing in your little life?

Make a mental list of at least 3 things that you remembered as Most missing. Think about the emotions these memories bring up.


Time to change gears and imagine you are all grown up. Close your eyes and imagine you are in a room filled with everyone you have ever known in your life. Take a moment to visualize your guests. Family, friends, mentors, and enemies, are all here with you. Close your eyes, take your time and visualize your life in their eyes.

What 3 things would you be most proud to hear them say about you?

  1. Compare this list and the list from Exercise I.
  1. Determine if you found the following to be true…

Whatever you perceived as MOST missing in your life created your Greatest Value.

Without the perception of something missing, you would not be the person you value today.

The added advantage of understanding this philosophy, and the effect it has had on you, is an interesting one.

Think about it: If you have something, you don’t value it, because you already have it. It is the things you don’t have that you value, so those are the things you give your children.

Practicing the Secrets of Surviving Divorce will also make you a more loving and understanding parent.

Okay, follow me on this…

Children’s values are often opposite of their parents, but are in perfect sync with one of their grandparents. It’s an ‘every-other generation phenomenon’ that continues to repeat itself.

I believe the lack of understanding the void/value hierarchy is the number 1 cause of teen-age rebellion.

When you learn to ‘love with logic,’ rather than fear, your path will slowly change from loneliness to love.

Get in his head

Next, comes another fun exercise: complete exercise 1 & 2, again. This time answer the questions as you think your ex would answer.  You have known him for a time and by now should know what his childhood was like, and what he takes most pride in.

What do you believe was most missing in his childhood?

What is he most proud of?

I think you will find his answers to be different than yours. You will understand him in a way you never thought possible. It is the core issues that are at fault in most relationships.

As you practice the exercises on family and friends, you will be develop a more loving attitude towards them.

It is also useful when develop the ability to see your enemies from a logical, less emotional viewpoint.

Surviving Divorce is a practice that will pay off big in the long run for you, and your children.

Check back on my website often as new issues come up in your relationships.

As your understanding of self grows, so does relationships.

You create your realities by your perceptions.

When you change your perceptions,

you change your realities…

Then, you will change your life.

Remember to open your mind to the realities of your life as it IS, rather than what you perceived  it to be as a child.

What do you judge as good and as evil? I had no idea how much and how often I judged everyone, including myself.I was given an opportunity to learn to love everything, exactly as it is, without judgements. I strive to teach love, and you cannot judge and love at the same time.

I discovered this wisdom of divorce. Tell me how you feel about my take on it, please. Donate to my website if you found this helpful and informative.

If you have not yet signed up for your copy of “How to Love With Logical Outcomes”now is a good time to go to and request it. This is a free gift to you.

You are always on my mind and in my heart as I work to reach you, teach you and soften you pain.

Your donations are greatly appreciated at this time.



Abuse, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Dating Abuse

emotional child abuse


Child Abuse,

Physical Abuse,

Emotional Abuse,

Dating Abuse

Abuse, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, and Dating Abuse are big problems, affecting youth in every community across the nation. Comprehend the consequences and their impact on someone you know. I have added child abuse to this blog because it is pervasive.

Signs of child abuse:

A child that suddenly cries when going somewhere they used to look forward to?

A bright student who suddenly loses all interest in school. She becomes sullen and shut down.

Some students suffer abuse in the home. They are quietly guarded and may be a straight A student. 

Bullying is abuse.

Examples of physical abuse are:

  • Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking.
  • Throwing something at you such as a phone, book, shoe or plate.
  • Pulling your hair.
  • Pushing or pulling you.
  • Grabbing your clothing.
  • Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace or other weapons.
  • Smacking your bottom.
  • Forcing you to have sex or perform a sexual act.
  • Grabbing your face to make you look at them.
  • Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.

Examples emotional or verbal abuse:

  • Yelling and screaming at you. Calling you names
  • Intentionally embarrassing you in public.
  • Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
  • Telling you what to do and wear.
  • Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
  • Using online communities or cell phones to co
  • Calling you names and putting you down.
  • Control, intimidate or humiliate you.
  • Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
  • Accusing you of cheating and often being jealous of your outside relationships.
  • Stalking you.
  • Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
  • Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about.
  • Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
  • Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immigration status.
  • Starting rumors about you.
  • Threatening to have your children taken away.

Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.

One in three girls in the US is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.

One in ten high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Why Focus on Young People?

Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence, almost triple the national average.

Among female victims of intimate partner violence, 94% of those age 16-19 and 70% of those age 20-24 were victimized by a current or former boyfriend or girlfriend.

Violent behavior often begins between the ages of 12 and 18.

The severity of intimate partner violence is often greater in cases where the pattern of abuse was established in adolescence.

Don’t Forget About College Students

Nearly half (43%) of dating college women report experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors.

College students are not equipped to deal with dating abuse 57% say it is difficult to identify and 58% say they don’t know how to help someone who’s experiencing it.

One in three (36%) dating college students has given a dating partner their computer, email or social network passwords and these students are more likely to experience digital dating abuse.

One in six (36%) college women has been sexually abused in a dating relationship.

Long-lasting Effects:

Violent relationships in adolescence can have serious ramifications by putting the victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence.

Being physically or sexually abused makes teen girls six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to get a STD.

Half of youth who have been victims of both dating violence and rape, attempt suicide, compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys.

Lack of Awareness

Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse.

Eighty-one (81%) percent of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue.

Though 82% of parents feel confident that they could recognize the signs if their child was experiencing dating abuse, a majority of parents (58%) could not correctly identify all the warning signs of abuse.

Physical abuse is any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause pain or even leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy.

When she breaks up with someone that is infatuated with her. Do not under any circumstances allow her to go the requested “last date”.

The majority of this information was copied from:

Please share this blog with your friends. You could save a life.




10 Philosophies that Saved my Sanity



#1. Newton: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. There is nothing that not balanced in this Universe. Only our perceptions are screwed up.

#2. We create our realities by our perceptions. When we change our perceptions, we change our realities………Then we change our lives.

If you think back to your earliest memories and pull out the one thing that had the most emotional negative impact on your childhood, you will find it has a benefit that is equal. You need to agree with Newton to discover the value that event created in your life.

#3. Whatever we perceived as most missing creates our greatest values.

#4 The things we were given, we did not value, because we had them, consequently, we did not pass them on to our children. This creates their voids. These voids are the glue that makes the strong Grandparent/Grandchild connection.

#5. Anything we are infatuated with, we will learn to resent to the same degree. This includes any person, place or event in our lives.

#6. Always listen to your Gut feeling. If a memory causes pain in the solar plexus (just above the stomach), it is a past remembered emotion from childhood. This is where we store the guilt, shame, and regret of our sins.

#7. All injuries and diseases (other than genetic) start in the brain
Disease=Dis-ease somewhere in the body.
“You can Heal your Life” by Louise HayBuy it and use it as a reference often. You will find it valuable in many ways.
The following will aid you in finding your own mind/body connections. (see my blog on the subject)
Injury=Jury from within. What did you do that you felt it necessary to judge yourself? Will this act as a reminder the next time you do something stupid or uncalled for?If the injury or disease is on the right side of the body, you are dealing with a male issue. The right side is a  female issue.
Injury to the lower back means loss of support: emotional or financial, either the right side; male, or left; female.
A sudden stop caused by an accident, head injury, or a fall means you need to stop what you are doing and/or feeling. Ask yourself, “What am I avoiding?”
Before you make any major decisions, ask yourself, “Will it get me closer or farther from my dream?”

#8. The things you see you like, are the things you admire most about yourself. The things you see you dislike are the things you judge about yourself. Judge yourself by the people you most admire because you can’t see something in someone else that you don’t have within you, to the same degree. Experience my Self Esteem Blog.

#09. Anger is unresolved fear. Next time you are angry at an event, or person, ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” Your anger will dissipate at least 50%, so you can focus on your answer.

#10. Practice non-judgment in everything you do. When you stop judging others, they will cease to judge you.

Everything you believe about yourself and others was developed before you were 3 years old.



Anger is a living energy that sucks the life force from every relationship. Anger is curable and understandable.  It not only destroys its host, it destroys relationships, careers, and marriages, because, eventually, the creator loses the power to direct it.

Negative energy can seldom be controlled; it spews its darkness into the lives of friends and loved ones standing at the edge of the storm. A father who hates his boss and allows anger to dominate his thinking eventually develops a pattern of cruelty toward his wife and children because it’s the only way to ease the pain he’s created for himself. His anger justifies meanness and abolishes regret.

It took a long time for me to realize that there are only two core emotions-love and fear. Anger is the spawn of fear, so the greater the fear, the greater the anger.

It is fear that robs us of our health.

But, in my youth, fear was a weakness I would never admit and, consequently, I refused to confront the source of my weakness.

For years, I endured a close, intimate relationship with anger that fed on my fear of failure. It almost ruined my life. I couldn’t control my fury; therefore, I justified the pain I caused by telling myself the person deserved my malice by being stupid or wrong or just too aggravating. How many times did I say aloud, I can’t believe people like that are allowed to reproduce-to breathe good air-to live.

The credit for my metamorphosis goes to my friend and teacher Dr. John DeMartini    ( I’d paid a lot of money to take his first course and I expected to walk out fixed, so I was furious when he said that anger was unresolved fear and once we find the fear, anger will dissipate. I felt I’d paid good money to a fool who believed and taught really stupid stuff. 

Then a few days later, as I was driving on the freeway, a car pulled in front of me. I was furious. How dare someone get ahead of me. I screamed curses at the driver that would have made a drunken sailor proud.

As I caught my breath to explode again, I remembered John’s words and wondered, what could I possibly be afraid of? Just as the thought formed in my mind, I heard a voice say, Idiot, because he’s ahead of you. You never let anybody get ahead of you. 

This epiphany shocked me into the realization that I was terrified of failure. I’d spent a lifetime making sure I always came in first place. I couldn’t tolerate second place anything. I had to be the best-the best dressed, the best employee, the number one salesperson. I’d dedicated my life to being in the lead, always ahead of the pack.

Suddenly I felt a calmness that had eluded me for as long as I could remember. For the first time in years, I slowed to the speed limit and began to enjoy the ride.

Afterward, each time my anger erupted, I would ask, what am I afraid of? Then I’d examine the episode and take it apart piece by piece until I found the answer.

The first question was always: What am I afraid of? The second was: How does that fear benefit me?  Once I found the answer to the last question, I was in control.

I discovered that I felt unworthy of a good life, of love, of joy because I wasn’t smart enough or pretty enough, or educated enough. In fact, I didn’t see myself as having enough of anything positive, so to survive emotionally, I felt had to be first to compensate.

I’d created an addiction that offered a short-term-feel-good that couldn’t possibly be maintained. Eventually, I was at a point where I not only had to be first I had to be a mile ahead of the pack. A close contest would throw my insecurities into a frenzy and the outbursts would intensify.

The benefit was that I got what I wanted. My anger gave me power. My fear gave me that power. It was the fear of failure that created my successful career in sales.

The downside was abject misery and a loneliness I could never completely overcome, even when I was surrounded by smiling people offering congratulations on my latest achievement.

All of that changed.

Once I understood the fear that drove me, and the benefits of it I became calm, sane actually, slowed down for the first time in my life. I began to enjoy people and accept their idiosyncrasies. Traits I’d seen as ludicrous became endearing. I was finally learning to bond.

Anger is a burden that only grows more arduous as it feeds off of us and those closest to us. When does this burden grow too heavy to endure? Will we allow it to destroy everything we’ve worked so long and hard to create before we’re willing to address it?

As the facade of guilt and fear falls away, we find perfection in the kind, loving person we’ve hidden from the world for so long. It’s through this interaction with our sub-conscious that we truly begin to understand ourselves and that understanding gives us power over our actions and control of our lives.

Once we comprehend our own emotions, we can empathize with the feelings of others. Although we may not be able to make their anger go away, our knowledge can keep it from affecting us because it’s the same as our own. We understand.

Because we create 80% of our beliefs, judgments, and fears before we are three years old, our strongest fears are based on the lop-sided misperceptions of a child. We needed our fears because they kept us safe. At our age not only is anger detrimental to our health but robs us of the opportunity feel comfy and content with the life we have left. 

Check our my lesson one blog.

Interesting introspection, if you are into this sort of thing: Make a list of at least 37 things you are afraid of. Somewhere around 25 or so, your conscious mind will tire and the sub-conscious will take over. There you may find some interesting answers. Try it. It is fun!

You are forever in my mind as I work to reach you and teach you. This is my work. This is my life. Thank you for being a part of it.

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