Love With Logical Outcomes Lesson 1

Welcome to my Mind-Blowing Blogs about Relationships

 Welcome to my My Mind-Blowing Blogs about Relationships. My interactive exercises will explain everything you ever wanted to know about relationships. I studied relationships from many masters for many years. The reason?

Ego ruled my every thought for 46. It was fueled by insecurities and need for love and attention. I was a cereal stalker, constantly in search of a new relationship. My world turned up-side-down with each heartbreak.

When I started planning my second suicide attempt, I knew I had to find help or die.  I was lucky enough to find and study with Dr. John De Martini, a Human Behavior Specialist, Educator and Internationally published Author  http://www.drdemartini.com

He taught me to first, how to know myself; then love myself for the first time.

I recommend you wonder around my interactive blogs. There, you will discover exercises that lead you to ancient wisdom, physics and good common sense. You will soon be able to look at your life’s experiences from a logical viewpoint, rather than an emotional one.

Please enjoy my blogs. Each one has exercises that will show you a new perspective on your relationship issues.

Even Albert Einstein was divorced, not once, but twice.

When it came to relationships, he threw logic to the wind.

 

However, one of his famous quotes helped me, not only survive life, but thrive.

Albert Einstein: “You can’t solve a problem at the level it was created”.

So if you want to discover the secrets of a successful relationships, void of anger, resentment and shame; you’ve found the right blog.

Here is a brief questionnaire that will test your knowledge of the basics of Love. Your answers may be surprising, and there is no need to write them down; you will remember them.

Scene 1: Close your eyes and return your mind to your childhood and visit your home, your room, and your life and search for the answers.

Question 1: List 3 things you felt were most missing in your life before you started school?  What did you want that you didn’t have?
Please allow yourself time for the memories of your childhood to materialize.

Scene 2: You are now an adult. Use your mind to pretend you are in a large room, filled with everyone you have ever known, and; they are all talking about you.
Allow yourself to pretend you are the in the crowd.

Question 2: What would you be most proud to overhear them say about you?
Think about it.
Compare the two lists. Did you find this to be a true statement?

“Whatever we perceived as most missing creates our greatest values.”

Without the perception of missing, we would not be the person, we are most proud of today.

How did your void/values affect your relationship?

Can you make an educated guess as to what void/values your mate has, using these same questions?

You chose him because he filled a void from earliest childhood: You might have chosen an older or domineering husband to fill the void left by an absent father. He chose you because of a need he thought you could fill.

Or you may have chosen him because he was so handsome and popular, then later allow jealousy to destroy the bond of love because you felt he was better than you or, you did not feel you deserved him because of your guilt of the past or present. Your fear of past self- judgments fueled your jealousy. What need in him caused him choose you?

Bottom line, your childhood dreams turned to adult passions and your fears from childhood holds you back from realizing your dreams.

What you are beginning to understand is your knight in shining armor was actually the devil in disguise.

Get over it; He was a figment of your imagination from the beginning. He never was what you thought he was.

It will be helpful for you to read the page on The Mind for a clearer understanding.

Come back often to get your questions answered and get your head screwed on right.

You are always on my mind as I work to reach you and teach you the lessons of life.

Don’t be shy. I love questions and comments.

Resolve Conflict With Logic

Resolve Conflict with Logic

Einstein believes the best way to resolve conflict is with logic. I’ll show you how.

Einstein taught: To solve a problem, he said, simply see it from a different perspective.

First determine if the conflict is an emotional issue or a logical one.

If it is a logical issue: “This will work and this will not work” you determine. To solve the logical conflict, move to the emotional side of the brain.

Here are some exercises and new thoughts that will lead, guide and direct you to a more emotional way of looking at your life, as well as conflicts. Have fun working the training exercises. They are short and to the point. Your answers will surprise you.

Your Conflict issues were created before you were three (3) years old.

They are responsible for the strengths and weakness in your conflicts, creating judgments of yourself and others, imprinting your brain at the most impressionable time in your life.

Your first three years determined how you feel about conflict today.

It is my purpose to inform and explain in simple ways how to think emotionally about conflict. You feel comfortable and confident when seeing a problem logically, and uncomfortable during emotional conflicts. It is time to learn how to think rationally (logically) about emotionally conflict.

When you learn to see conflict with logic rather than fear, your path will slowly change from fear to confidence. This is all about finding your core values and void, while learning the core values and voids those of your adversary.

Our earliest memories determined the outcome of our conflicts.  80% of these memories were created, and based on the perceptions of a child. These perceptions become our road-map to solving conflict. Early emotional perceptions will tend to override logic in conflicts because they are primary connections.

You create your realities by your perceptions. When you change your

perceptions, you change your realities…then you will change your life.

EXERCISE I

Let’s see if this holds true in your life. I am going to ask you to take a trip back to your earliest childhood memories.

Remember the sights and sounds of your room, and your family. Stand back – see and feel your earliest emotions. See yourself in your room.

  • What is the first emotion you feel?
  • What dominated your thoughts of yourself?
  • What was most missing in your little life?

Make a mental list of at least 3 things that you remembered as Most missing. Think about the emotions these memories bring up.

EXERCISE II

Time to change gears and imagine you are all grown up. Close your eyes and imagine you are in a room filled with everyone you have ever known in your life. Take a moment to visualize your guests. Family, friends, mentors, and enemies, are all here with you. Close your eyes, take your time and visualize your life in their eyes.

What 3 things would you be most proud to hear them say about you?

  1. Compare this list and the list from Exercise I.
  1. Determine if you found the following to be true…

Whatever you perceived as MOST missing in your life created your Greatest Value.

Without the perception of something missing, you would not be the person you value today.

The added advantage of understanding this philosophy, and the effect it has had on you, is to give you peace of mind and confidence to succeed.

Think about it: If you have something, you don’t value it, because you already have it. It is the things you don’t have that you value, so those are the things you give your children. They don’t value them because they already have them. Discover what they value and will find your adversary’s weakness.

Conflicts help us to understand ourselves.

When you learn to manage your conflicts, rather than fear them, your path will slowly change from stress to confidence.

Answer the questions below. This time answer the questions as you think your opponent would answer. 

What is he most proud of?

Look to the 7 areas of life to help you: Financial, Social, Family, Career, Spiritual, Physical, and Mental help you find his values.

Find the void (the opposite of his value) and you will have logical answers you are seeking.

List 10 traits you most admire in your opponent. Use those traits to find common ground to resolve the conflict.

It is the core issues that are at fault in most conflicts and core values that will solve them.

You can’t see something in someone that you don’t have within yourself. It is the things we like about others, that are the things we value about ourselves.

The things you see in others that you dislike, are the things you most dislike about yourself.

Another fun exercise is to list the BENEFITS of losing the conflict. Remember we need to look at the problem from an entirely different perspective.

You are always on my mind and in my heart as I work to reach you, teach you and soften your stress.

Please let me know how this works for you.

 

Secrets of Surviving Divorce

Secrets of Surviving Divorce is written to help ease the pain and destructive thoughts bouncing off the walls of your brain. Divorce is difficult, at best, but I believe you will find these Secrets of Surviving Divorce helpful. A new way of looking at life will allow you to “get over it”. 

My last divorce drove me to desperation. It also fueled passion to understand Love. My healing exercises will change the way you think about Divorce.    

The first Secret to a Successful Divorce:                                     

Even Albert Einstein, famous as a logical genius, was divorced, not once, but twice.

However, when it came to relationships, he threw logic to the wind and died unhappy and broke.Einstein spent the majority of his time on the logical side of the brain.  When he moved to the emotional side of his brain, he was out of his comfort zone, and all logic left him. Einstein “forgot” one of his most brilliant phil0siphies:

 “You can’t solve a problem at the level it was created”.

I used this wisdom to heal the pain of my Divorce by looking at it from a different perspective.

face013

Divorce disrupts every area of your life.

I was angry, afraid. and sad. My emotions were on steroids. My logic was in lock-out.”I will make better choices next time. There is nothing wrong with me. He is to blame for everything”, I told myself.

Only I knew better. I had a very long list of fears, each one keeping the world from discovering the real me. On my journey to understand why I had two Divorces. I knew I had to find out who I was, for I had pretended as far back as I can remember always trying to be someone or something I was not.

I spent 46 years in “Emotional  Pretends”: Pretending I was OK. Pretending I was right and did nothing wrong. Pretending it didn’t hurt my ego, Pretending I was successful, spending to excess to prove it. Pretending I was not fearful of my future.

The pretends covered my insecurities; not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, lovable enough…..etc. You know, that stuff from our childhoods that have a way of coming back to bite us in the butt. I didn’t fool anyone but myself.

Here are some exercises and new thoughts that will lead, guide and direct you to a more logical way of looking at your life, as well as your marriage & divorce.

Have fun working the training exercises. They are short and to the point. Your answers will surprise you.

Your Relationship rules were created before you were three (3) years old.

They are responsible for the strengths and weakness in your relationships. Your rules are really no more than judgments of yourself and others, created at the most impressionable time in your life.

Your first three years determined how you feel about love and relationships today.

It is my purpose to inform and explain in simple ways how to think logically about Divorce and the impact it has had on you and those around you. You are an adult. It is time to learn how to think rationally (logically) about your divorce. 

When you learn to love with logic rather than fear, your path will slowly change from loneliness to love. This is all about finding the authentic person you were meant to be.

Your earliest memories determined the outcome of your relationships.  80% of these memories were created, & based on perceptions. These perceptions become our road-map to love and marriage. Early emotional perceptions will tend to override logic in relationships because they are primary connections.

You create your realities by your perceptions. When you change your

perceptions, you change your realities…then you will change your life.

EXERCISE I

Let’s see if this holds true in your life. I am going to ask you to take a trip back to your earliest childhood memories.

Remember the sights and sounds of your room, and your family. Stand back – see and feel your earliest emotions. See yourself in your room.

  • What is the first emotion you feel?
  • What dominated your thoughts of yourself?
  • What was most missing in your little life?

Make a mental list of at least 3 things that you remembered as Most missing. Think about the emotions these memories bring up.

EXERCISE II

Time to change gears and imagine you are all grown up. Close your eyes and imagine you are in a room filled with everyone you have ever known in your life. Take a moment to visualize your guests. Family, friends, mentors, and enemies, are all here with you. Close your eyes, take your time and visualize your life in their eyes.

What 3 things would you be most proud to hear them say about you?

  1. Compare this list and the list from Exercise I.
  1. Determine if you found the following to be true…

Whatever you perceived as MOST missing in your life created your Greatest Value.

Without the perception of something missing, you would not be the person you value today.

The added advantage of understanding this philosophy, and the effect it has had on you, is an interesting one.

Think about it: If you have something, you don’t value it, because you already have it. It is the things you don’t have that you value, so those are the things you give your children.

Practicing the Secrets of Surviving Divorce will also make you a more loving and understanding parent.

Okay, follow me on this…

Children’s values are often opposite of their parents, but are in perfect sync with one of their grandparents. It’s an ‘every-other generation phenomenon’ that continues to repeat itself.

I believe the lack of understanding the void/value hierarchy is the number 1 cause of teen-age rebellion.

When you learn to ‘love with logic,’ rather than fear, your path will slowly change from loneliness to love.

Get in his head

Next, comes another fun exercise: complete exercise 1 & 2, again. This time answer the questions as you think your ex would answer.  You have known him for a time and by now should know what his childhood was like, and what he takes most pride in.

What do you believe was most missing in his childhood?

What is he most proud of?

I think you will find his answers to be different than yours. You will understand him in a way you never thought possible. It is the core issues that are at fault in most relationships.

As you practice the exercises on family and friends, you will be develop a more loving attitude towards them.

It is also useful when develop the ability to see your enemies from a logical, less emotional viewpoint.

Surviving Divorce is a practice that will pay off big in the long run for you, and your children.

Check back on my website often as new issues come up in your relationships.

As your understanding of self grows, so does relationships.

You create your realities by your perceptions.

When you change your perceptions,

you change your realities…

Then, you will change your life.

Remember to open your mind to the realities of your life as it IS, rather than what you perceived  it to be as a child.

What do you judge as good and as evil? I had no idea how much and how often I judged everyone, including myself.I was given an opportunity to learn to love everything, exactly as it is, without judgements. I strive to teach love, and you cannot judge and love at the same time.

I discovered this wisdom of divorce. Tell me how you feel about my take on it, please. Donate to my website if you found this helpful and informative.

If you have not yet signed up for your copy of “How to Love With Logical Outcomes”now is a good time to go to www.LoveWithLogic.com and request it. This is a free gift to you.

You are always on my mind and in my heart as I work to reach you, teach you and soften you pain.

Your donations are greatly appreciated at this time. 

Merry@LoveWithLogic.com

 

 

Abuse, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Dating Abuse

emotional child abuse

Abuse, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Dating Abuse

Abuse, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, and Dating Abuse are big problems, affecting youth in every community across the nation. Learn the facts below.

Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.

One in three girls in the US is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.

One in ten high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Why Focus on Young People?

Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence, almost triple the national average.

Among female victims of intimate partner violence, 94% of those age 16-19 and 70% of those age 20-24 were victimized by a current or former boyfriend or girlfriend.

Violent behavior often begins between the ages of 12 and 18.

The severity of intimate partner violence is often greater in cases where the pattern of abuse was established in adolescence.

I explain the importance of your adolescent years and the impact they have on your relationships in my manifesto: How to Love with Logical Outcomes, available for download on my site.

Don’t Forget About College Students

Nearly half (43%) of dating college women report experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors.

College students are not equipped to deal with dating abuse 57% say it is difficult to identify and 58% say they don’t know how to help someone who’s experiencing it.

One in three (36%) dating college students has given a dating partner their computer, email or social network passwords and these students are more likely to experience digital dating abuse.

One in six (36%) college women has been sexually abused in a dating relationship.

Long-lasting Effects:

Violent relationships in adolescence can have serious ramifications by putting the victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence.

Being physically or sexually abused makes teen girls six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to get a STD.

Half of youth who have been victims of both dating violence and rape, attempt suicide, compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys.

Lack of Awareness

Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse.

Eighty-one (81%) percent of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue.

Though 82% of parents feel confident that they could recognize the signs if their child was experiencing dating abuse, a majority of parents (58%) could not correctly identify all the warning signs of abuse.

Physical abuse is any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause pain or even leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy.

Examples of physical abuse are:

  • Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking.
  • Throwing something at you such as a phone, book, shoe or plate.
  • Pulling your hair.
  • Pushing or pulling you.
  • Grabbing your clothing.
  • Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace or other weapon.
  • Smacking your bottom.
  • Forcing you to have sex or perform a sexual act.
  • Grabbing your face to make you look at them.
  • Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.

There are many behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse:

  • Yelling and screaming at you. Calling you names
  • Intentionally embarrassing you in public.
  • Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
  • Telling you what to do and wear.
  • Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
  • Using online communities or cell phones to co
  • Calling you names and putting you down.
  • Control, intimidate or humiliate you.
  • Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
  • Accusing you of cheating and often being jealous of your outside relationships.
  • Stalking you.
  • Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
  • Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about.
  • Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
  • Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immigration status.
  • Starting rumors about you.
  • Threatening to have your children taken away.
  • This is a great resource and the major contributor to this article.
  • loveisrespect.org

Thank you for your interest in my work. Please read my blog: www.LoveWithLogic.com and click on Mind/Body Connection

 

 

Mind/Body Connection

Mind/Body Connection

Heal the Mind/Ease the Pain

There is an mind/body connection in every emotion we have. When we heal the mind, we heal the pain.

Learn to use your body to tell your mind how to heal itself. I will show you how to “read” your bodies symptoms by using your mind to pinpoint the sources of your disease.

Disease manifests itself with symptoms. Learn to decipher the symptom and you can heal yourself.

Some of the things you read will surprise you and often brings up comments about my mental stability.

However, I was intrigued by how much I didn’t know about how my mind and body operate together. I still smile at how easy it is to decipher the messages the mind is sending to your body, using your sub-conscious mind.

The sub-conscious mind is your memory bank. It retains the judgements and emotions of your earliest childhood events.

The Mind and its effect of the body.

Remember, by the time a child is 3 years old, her mind has developed 80% of what she believes about herself and others. The primary connections of right, wrong, love and judgments are created at this tender age and often dictates your future diseases and injuries.

Disease (Dis-ease) manifests pain and or illness to let you know that something is out- of-balance. The unbalanced area of your life creates your symptoms.

This blog will help you to better understand how to interpret your disease and heal yourself.

Let’s start by dividing the body in half.

Left Side=Feminine/Female

Right Side=Masculine/Male

Lower Back pain is caused by:
Loss of love or support; financial, emotional.

Left Side pain = Female issue

Right Side pain= Male issue

Which side hurts?  Is it male or female that your sub-conscious mind brings up? Who is the person you think of first? Think of that person, and feel the pain their lack support or love caused you. Give in and decide exactly what area is causing the discomfort.

Now I want you to think of at least 10 things you like about her/him. Think of a time when you liked this person. What 10 things did you like about him/her then? What traits do they have that you most admire? Although you may not feel the same now, if you ever admired her/him get back in that same place.

Pay attention to how your back is effected as your list grows. Is the pain easing a little? Each good trait you add to your list will help relieve the pain.

Spend a little time now and remember the memories. You are feeding your mind with pleasant thoughts, while the mind sends the body chemicals that relax the muscles that are causing the pain.

When that mind trip is completed, ask yourself the following question: What benefit will you get out of resolving this issue?

In other words, the Universe is saying, “It is time to deal with this issue”. Remember Newton’s third law of motion: For every action, there is an EQUAL, yet OPPOSITE reaction. If the event that caused the pain is considered bad, then there must be an equal good that comes out of it.

You can use this same exercises in working with the other ailments below.

Middle Back: Guilt, getting stuck in childhood shame. You may want to visit my website and follow the steps in the Basics of Love exercise.

Ankles: Inflexibility and guilt. Ankles represent the ability to receive pleasure.

Cold Sores: Bitter words not said. (I have successfully treated mine with L-Lysine, an amino acid)

Depression:

Eye Infections: What are you not seeing? Not liking what you see in your own life.

Ear Infections: Go to a chiropractor. A miss-alignment in the neck is causing fluids to back up in the ears, where bacteria form.

Eczema: Anger and disappointment in self; Mental eruptions.

Gut: Our sub-conscious mind usually gives us a jab in the gut when are about to make a mistake. We will learn eventually to pay attention to it.

Headaches: Invalidating the self. Criticizing self and fear.

Heartburn: FEAR; and more fear of life, self, others.

Injuries: Anger with self: Jury from within

Joints, Knees: not bending or rigid. Your fear of moving forward is keeping you from your future. What fear and who is controlling your life? Which side of the body?

Kidney Do you allow yourself to be pissed off, angry, resentful and or jealous? The problems will compound if you do not resolve them.

Shoulders: “He has the weight of the world on his shoulders”. Whose weights are you shouldering that is causing you pain? Male or female? Why are you doing it? Share your burden, or experience a fact of life. Discover what is causing it, and it will be stop hurting.

Solar plexus is located just below the breastbone. This where we hide our guild, shame and fear from childhood. You may want to explore the past remembered events that no longer serve you and it will free you to learn new independence. The Solar plexus is also the center of our intuitive powers. Get rid of those childhood beliefs that no longer serve you.

Stomach: What are you sick of? Dread, Fear of something new. (I apply a wool cloth, saturated with castor oil on my lower stomach, and then a heating pad on top)
Throat: What is it you are not saying? Inability to say what you need or want. Fear

Vomiting: Rejection of new ideas. Fear of the new.

Pay attention to your body and what messages it is sending to your sub-conscious mind. This mind leads you on a path to uncover the meaning of the symptoms. Understanding and paying attention at all times to what your body is telling you and it will lead you to the answers you seek.

If you have not received your copy of “Love with Logical Outcomes”, My Relationship Manifesto, just send me a note: Merry@LoveWithLogic.com. I will email you a copy. It contains an enormous amount of self-help exercises, based on physics, ancient wisdom, and good old common sense.

Recommended reading: You Can Heal Your Life; Louise Hay

 

 

 

10 Philosophies that Saved my Sanity

10 PHILOSOPHIES THAT SAVED MY SANITY

 

#1. Newton: For every action, there is an equal and opposite re-action. There is nothing that not balanced in this Universe. Only our perceptions are screwed up.

#2. We create our realities by our perceptions. When we change our perceptions, we change our realities………Then we change our lives.

If you think back to your earliest memories and pull out the one thing that had the most emotional negative impact on your childhood, you will find it has a benefit that is equal. You need to agree with Newton to discover the value that event created in your life.

#3. Whatever we perceived as most missing creates our greatest values.

#4 The things we were given, we did not value, because we had them, consequently we did not pass them on to our children. This creates their voids. These voids are the glue that makes the strong Grandparent/Grandchild connection.

#5. Anything we are infatuated with, we will learn to resent to the same degree. This includes any person, place or event in our lives.

#6. Always listen to your Gut feeling. If a memory causes pain in the solar plexus (just above the stomach), it is a past remembered emotion from childhood. This is where we store the guilt, shame and regret of our sins.

#7. All injuries and diseases (other than genetic) start in the brain
Disease=Dis-ease somewhere in the body.
“You can Heal your Life” by Louise Hay
Buy it and use it as a reference often. You will find it valuable in many ways.
The following will aid you in finding your own mind/body connections. (see my blog on subject)
Injury=Jury from within. What did you do that you felt it necessary to judge yourself. Will this act as a reminder the next time you do something stupid or uncalled for.

If the injury or disease is on the right side of the body, you are dealing with a male issue. The right side is a  female issue.
Injury to the lower back means loss of support: emotional or financial, either the right side; male, or left; female.
A sudden stop caused by an accident, head injury, or a fall means you need to stop what you are doing and/or feeling. Ask yourself, “What am I avoiding?”
Before you make any major decisions, ask yourself, “Will it get me closer, or farther from my dream?”

#8. The things you see you like, are the things you admire most about yourself. The things you see you dislike are the things you judge about yourself. Judge yourself by the people you most admire because you can’t see something in someone else that you don’t have within you, to the same degree. Experience my Self Esteem Blog.

#09. Anger is unresolved fear. Next time you are angry at an event, or person, ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” Your anger will dissipate at least 50%, so you can focus on your answer.

#10. Practice non-judgment in everything you do. When you stop judging others, they will cease to judge you.

Everything you believe about yourself and others was developed before you were 3 years old.

Child Abuse- Effects and How to Overcome it

Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse

Abuse is lonely, scary, and emotionally disastrous to you and those around you. It is a fear that emulates from the gut. It is the feeling of not being: good, smart, successful, safe, or worthy enough,… and the list goes on and on

Abuse is a perception. The perception is yours.

You use excuses: He was drunk. He didn’t mean it. He just had a bad day. He will be over it tomorrow.
Deep down, you want to run away. You feel trapped in your own cage of fear. All you can do is curl up in a fetal position and go to sleepand pray for answers, but there are none; you pray for him to change, but know he won’t.

He takes everything out on you. You are never good enough.

Abuse has a lasting effect on the future for countless men and women throughout the world. The harder you try to depress the memories, they come up unexpectedly in odd times. For instance when we see a little girl or boy on tv  (about the same age as us when the abuse started), the emotions are on high alert and we feel their pain. We are also reminded of our own guilt and shame.

Wait just a minute. Did I say guilt and shame? Why would I feel guilt and shame? Because I thought there was something I did that and it was my fault;Did you make a mess, or cry?  You were how old the first time you felt “not good enough”?

You felt it was your fault, ergo, guilt and shame.

Guilt and shame are far-reaching emotions. The can really mess up you future.

Guilt of the past creates Fear of the Future.

As the years of abuse go on, child-like fear is replaced by adult rage and hatred for oneself and for the abuser. He, who was once our Prince Charming has now become our enemy.

Or, self-hatred and fear imprison us, and live in a fetal mentality. (completely controlled by another).

You have the ability to remove yourself emotionally from the situation. When you can do that, a logical and safe solution will be yours.

Read the Basics of Love, The Mind and Self-esteem to discover the cause of your fears, and discover new parts to love about yourself.

Parental Child Abuse

Parental abuse that occurs on the outside of a child is nothing compared to the guilt and shame they feel on the inside. Their perception is:

“I am so bad that my own parent couldn’t love me”.

Their need to survive leads them to disruptive behavior, entrenched in passion, or a victim, waiting to be plucked by the first abuser they find. Then the sequence of abuse goes on and on.

Let’s start with the abuser. In order to understand him please recall the childhood he lived. What did he tell you about his family dynamics?

Who or what took his power?

To the degree he abuses; that is the degree he feels fear of his own childhood demons.

I would like for you to do an internet search “history social & the year he was born”.

Centuries are defined by their culture; Roaring 20’s, Great Depression, What were the social and economics norms of the day?

What was his parents’ relationship in the first three years of his life?

What were their parents like? Each generation inherits from their parents. They will either mimic their actions to get approval or will strongly reverse the trend.

Find out where your abuser learned to abuse and why. You may find it in his genetic past. Who was the person that taught/caused him to abuse? Who did he learn it from?

They abuse because it makes them feel powerful. They feel defeated and powerless inside.

Anger is nothing more that unresolved fear.

This may be the time to stop the cycle of abuse. Make your plan to leave.

Child Sexual Abuse

I will start this segment with a case study.

Dolly is an extreme case, but one which illustrates the life of a five-year old sexually-abused child.

Her mother was an apartment manager and had little time for her although she took Dolly to the office with her each day. Her current boyfriend came over every night. Her father had vanished. Dolly was left to feel the darkness of her room, alone, and feeling unloved.

She loved to go visit the maintenance man on his job. He paid attention to her and she felt special. His family was still living in his native country. He was young, lonely and in need of attention, too.

One thing led to another and Jose’ sexually molested Dolly. This started her twenty year journey of being used and emotionally abused by dozens of men.

Dolly had a lengthy medical history of depression, suicides, and cutting. She had been given a mental health handicap; consequently, she couldn’t be fired because of it.

Dolly was 36 when I first met her. As I gained her trust and felt her pain, we became friends.

She told me of the men, many of whom were family members and what they had done to her.

Hatred of them and hatred of Jose’ were replaced by hatred of herself. She had survived 3 suicide attempts, her arms and thighs were had deed scars where she cut herself with her keys.

Then, a life changing revelation happened.

She realized that it was not the abuse that caused her to be mentally ill, but rather the guilt and shame she carried. She cut herself because it eased the pain she felt deep inside.

Finally, when she was able to admit to herself and me, that she was the one that went back to see Jose’, time after time and actively put herself in the position to be molested.

To survive we must have food, clothing, shelter and…Attention.

If you put a one-year old in a closet and give her food, clothing and shelter, but no human interactions, by the age of 3 she will be incapable to progress mentally beyond kindergarten.
Dolly became an accomplished seductress, as her needs for attention grew, always feeling like the victim and denying the role she played in the abuse.

She was just a lonely little girl. It was not the abuse, but rather the guilt and shame that threw her into psychotic episodes.
Perceptions, like hers, eat at us and are hidden deep inside. These beliefs can, and will devour our lives until we find them, and reexamine them with adult eyes and logical thinking.

Mental and/or Physical Abuse

The bruises fade and the bones mend, but the mental abuse sits on your shoulder and travels with you constantly. As long as the guilt persists, you will naturally attract men who abuse, and you will continue to put up with it!

When you find your truth, your freedom from guilt will be the key to healing.

How has the guilt from your past impacted the life your lead today? Write down that secret.
Visit once again your most the things you most value.. Are they a direct result of your struggles? How has it helped you to become a better parent, friend or lover?

When the heartbreaks of the past are weighed, you will see symmetry and balance. There is nothing in our universe that is not balanced. Again, it is only our personal perceptions that are out of whack.

The devastating effect of physical abuse is one that I experienced first-hand. Mine was not the worst, but had a profound impact, nonetheless.
Afterwards I would be nicer to him, trying to find ways to make him stop.

Never did I try to figure out what caused him to abuse me. To me, it was a huge mystery. It never occurred to me to look closer at his childhood. If I had, I would have found my answers.

He was conflicted when it came to sex, so he used alcohol to numb his guilt of the past.
You can’t fix your abuser.

With the help of Al anon, I found the strength to leave after almost 20 years.

When it comes to abuse, it is not your job to “fix” him. Your job is to understand why you tolerate it. When did your co-dependency start? Make a mental list of why do you think he will change? Forget it, he won’t.

The best thing you can do is get to a safe place with your children. If you don’t have any children, go anyway. By the time he impregnates you, it will be much more difficult to leave, emotionally and financially.
For the sake of your future children, leave as soon as possible. Tell a trusted friend and take pictures of the physical abuse and/or keep a diary of the abuse. It will not only help you to get it off your chest, but can be used in court as documentation of abuse, which may be necessary during custody hearings or divorce proceedings.

I welcome all comments.
You are forever on my mind as
I work to reach you and teach you.
This is my work. This is my life.
Thank you for being a part of it.

Autoimmune Diseases: Causes and Effects

Autoimmune Diseases

Autoimmune Diseases: Causes & Effects

Autoimmune diseases altogether strike women three times more than men. Some diseases have an even higher incidence in women. Autoimmune diseases have been cited in the top ten leading causes of all deaths among U.S. women age 65 and younger.1 This diseases represents the fourth largest cause of disability among women in the United States.2
The fact that women have enhanced immune systems compared to men increases women’s resistance to many types of infection, but also makes them more susceptible to ADs….
Autoimmunity is nothing more than the immune response directed to the body of the patient himself or herself. http://www.aarda.org

You ask the question, “Why me?” You go to doctors they have a drug that will help with the pain. Slowly you become addicted to lessen the pain. In many cases this path is a dead end.

The answers to your autoimmune disease cure can be found in your own mind.

Here is my Diagnose of Autoimmune Disease:

You have taken a back seat to everyone else’s wishes and desires: You have allowed your past-remembered emotions of not feeling worthy enough, to dictate your life.

Treatment:

Use your mind to take back your power. The power you gave away, based on the lop-sided misconceptions a three-year old child.

 

You are forever on my mind as
I work to reach you and teach you.
This is my work. This is my life.
Thank you for being a part of it.

1aMM sig best pink jpg

 

 

Anger

Anger

Anger is a living energy that sucks the life force from every relationship. Anger is curable and understandable.  It not only destroys its host, it destroys relationships, careers, and marriages, because, eventually, the creator loses the power to direct it.

Negative energy can seldom be controlled; it spews its darkness into the lives of friends and loved ones standing at the edge of the storm. A father who hates his boss and allows anger to dominate his thinking eventually develops a pattern of cruelty toward his wife and children because it’s the only way to ease the pain he’s created for himself. His anger justifies meanness and abolishes regret.

It took a long time for me to realize that there are only two core emotions-love and fear. Anger is the spawn of fear, so the greater the fear, the greater the anger.

It is fear that robs us of our health.

But, in my youth, fear was a weakness I would never admit and, consequently, I refused to confront the souce of my weakness.

For years, I endured a close, intimate relationship with anger that fed on my fear of failure. It almost ruined my life. I couldn’t control my fury; therefore, I justified the pain I caused by telling myself the person deserved my malice by being stupid or wrong or just too aggravating. How many times did I say aloud, I can’t believe people like that are allowed to reproduce-to breathe good air-to live.

The credit for my metamorphosis goes to my friend and teacher Dr. John DeMartini    (www.drdemartini.com). I’d paid a lot of money to take his first course and I expected to walk out fixed, so I was furious when he said that anger was unresolved fear and once we find the fear, anger will dissipate. I felt I’d paid money to a fool who only spouted absurdities.

Then a few days later, as I was driving on the freeway, a car pulled in front of me. I was furious. How dare someone be so rude! How dare this fool get in my way! I screamed curses at the driver that would have made a drunken sailor proud.

As I caught my breath to explode again, I remembered John’s words and wondered, what could I possibly be afraid of? Just as the thought formed in my mind, I heard a voice say, Idiot, you’re mad because he’s ahead of you. You never let anybody get ahead of you. 

This epiphany shocked me into the realization that I was terrified of failure. I’d spent a lifetime making sure I always came in first place. I couldn’t tolerate second place anything. I had to be the best-the best dressed, the best employee, the number one salesperson. I’d dedicated my life to being in the lead, always ahead of the pack.

Suddenly I felt a calmness that had eluded me for as long as I could remember. For the first time in years, I slowed to the speed limit and began to enjoy the ride.

Afterward, each time my anger erupted, I would ask, what am I afraid of? Then I’d examine the episode and take it apart piece by piece until I found the answer.

The first question was always: What am I afraid of? The second was: How does that fear benefit me?  Once I found the answer to the last question, I was in control.

I discovered that I felt unworthy of a good life, of love, of joy because I wasn’t smart enough or pretty enough, or educated enough. In fact, I didn’t see myself as having enough of anything positive, so to survive emotionally, I felt had to be first to compensate.

I’d created an addiction that offered a short term feel good that couldn’t possibly be maintained. Eventually I was at a point where I not only had to be first I had to be a mile ahead of the pack. A close contest would throw my insecurities into frenzy and the outbursts would intensify.

But I felt the benefits of the flare-ups were enormous. and I got what I wanted. My anger gave me power. My fear gave me that power. It was the fear of failure that created my successful career in sales.

The downside was abject misery and a loneliness I could never completely overcome, even when I was surrounded by smiling people offering congratulations on my latest achievement.

All of that changed.

Once I understood the fear that drove me, and the benefits of it I became calm, sane actually, slowed down for the first time in my life. I began to enjoy people and accept their idiosyncrasies. Traits I’d seen as ludicrous became endearing. I was finally learning to bond.

Anger is a burden that only grows more arduous as it feeds off of us and those closest to us. When does this burden grow too heavy to endure? Will we allow it to destroy everything we’ve worked so long and hard to create before we’re willing to address it?

As the facade of guilt and fear falls away, we find perfection in the kind, loving person we’ve hidden from the world for so long. It’s through this interaction with our sub-conscious that we truly begin to understand ourselves and that understanding gives us power over our actions and control of our lives.

Once we comprehend our own emotions, we can empathize with the feelings of others. Although we may not be able to make their anger go away, our knowledge can keep it from affecting us because it’s the same as our own. We understand.

Interesting introspection, if you are into this sort of thing: Make a list of at least 37 things you are afraid of. Somewhere around 25 or so, your conscious mind will tire and the sub-conscious will take over. There you may find some interesting answers. Try it. It is fun!

You are forever on my mind as I work to reach you and teach you. This is my work. This is my life. Thank you for being a part of it.

 1aMM sig best pink jpg

EGO

EGO

EGO Ego is the lack of, or abundance of something in early childhood development: If money was lacking, but love was abundant, money would be important. If love were lacking, love would be important. Core beliefs and judgments about our self and others are determined early. Whatever we believed was most missing, before the age of four, creates our greatest values. It is all about perceptions. Perceptions begin in the womb, and become hyper-active when they become toddlers. Just imagine how many fears that little bitty tiny child has. They are so little and everyone else is so big. It is only natural. Some children, with love and guidance, overcome these childhood perceptions, while some have the attitude, ”It’s my way or the highway.” Newton’s third law of physics: For every action, there is an equal, yet opposite reaction. Therefore those that have ego gone wild, have fears and insecurities to match. I know, for I have lived most of my life hiding my insecurities about, well, just about everything, mostly about my looks. I can dress up, put on make-up, pull my hair back, and still look presentable. But you know what? I don’t care. What I have to teach us much more important than what I look like. I will show you how to eliminate ego. Ask yourself what deep dark childhood secrets are you hiding, that created the ego you show the world. Go back to a time in earliest childhood where this insecurity or fear was developed. The fear of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, (all the insecurities of childhood) will be the driving force behind your ego. Find the events that created your fear and see if that fear is a realistic one today. One of the best ways to help find the fear is to find the anger. Anger is nothing more than unresolved fear. This is your ego trigger. Figure out how the fear has served you and most importantly if it still serves you. If not, you can easily eliminate it just by recognizing its useful existence when you needed it, but realize it has outlived its need.

Weight in Mind?

 

 Secrets to Weight Loss

The steps to find your answers:

Go back to your childhood (the earlier the better). Remember your room. Were you alone there? What did it look like, smell like, FEEL like. Remember the first time you felt the past-remembered-emotion of the event, so long ago?

What event created your mindset that has resulted in your weight gain? How does your weight gain effect your life?

When this great controlling event took place, it was your life-defining judgment.

Newton’s Third law of motion: For every action, there is an EQUAL, but OPPOSIT , reaction.

Thus, the question, How does it benefit you to be overweight?

This mindset was created, either over time, or during a traumatic moment before age 12.

Example:

I could not believe my ears when as I listened to a story delivered by a 30-something year old woman with a doctorate degree in something, tell how she had suffered her entire life with the knowledge that her mother did not love her.

She and her brother were arguing in the backseat of the car when her mother turned around and said, “You GD kids had better stop fighting”. She was 5. That was her defining moment.

What was her benefit?

It created a “not good enough” feeling strong enough to drive herself to look for love and acceptance in her education and work.  That was the benefit of her false judgement about herself and her mother.

I do not have enough toes and fingers to count the number of times my mother said that to us.  The difference is: She had been raised in a family that did not cuss or raise their voice, so her mothers’ words created a mindset that allowed her to think that her mothers’ words meant she was not loved.

So, this event, or series of events, was the defining moment when your child’s perception clouded reality.

We create our realities by our perceptions. When we change our perceptions, we change our realities……….Then we change our lives.

Over 70% of our judgments about ourselves and others are determined before the age of six.

An example:

Out of the blue, a friend of mine revealed her most intimate secret about herself. She had been severely punished for lying to her father when she was five.

To date, she is the most honest, trustworthy, intelligent, well-educated woman, that has spent her entire career in a position of trust.

Knowing this, I asked her, So did you ever thank your dad for giving you that experience?

Of course, she looked at me like I had lost my mind. Her mind raced to make sense of what I had asked. When she found her answer, tears of love and understanding began to roll down her cheeks. She knew then that the life-changing event had created the thing she was most proud of.

Within three months, she dropped forty pounds, replaced the bright orange nail polish for a more sophisticated French nails, exchanged the Liberian glasses for contacts and got a cute, short hair cut with bounce. The most prominent change was her personality. Wow, I never knew she had one! She was always so serious.

Her new life-defining moment gave her a freedom from the ever-present feeling of not being good enough to love.

What was yours?

Life will change for you when you find your answer. Your body will begin to relax, your adrenaline soaked mussels will begin heal, and your mind will become more focused.

Please share with us your comments.